Regarding Milo, trans people, and children and bathrooms

Ok, this is Jenny your friendly (at times) neighborhood trans woman who is also a lesbian (yes we exist). I wanted to discuss the Milo fallout one last time, through the lens of his claims that trans people are a threat to women and children. You see, the reason I find him so repugnant is that he is baselessly recycling attacks I've dealt with ever since I came out and started transitioning.
From the beginning many people I knew (emphasis on past tense) were worried about me being around their kids for a variety of reasons. Most of my true friends didn't give one shit. There were some though who worried about me. I can't tell if they thought my cock would fly out of my panties and just start raping any orifice it could find (more on that later), or if it was general discomfiture. The general malaise was summed by one mother as "you will confuse my child, and he'll ask questions." Well sorry not sorry on that. For one, your precious snowflake of a child has seen drag before. I mean did you ever watch Bugs Bunny cartoons? He's in drag every other episode. But beyond that infantile excuse, the problem is, lady, you can't shelter that kid forever from the "Other". You would have run into me at the store, or at the mall, or at the doctor's office. I get around, and there's more than just me cruising the fair city of Las Vegas. Besides are gays/lesbians, people of different skin color, nuns/priests, or other conservative/orthodox religious people going to have to steer clear so questions aren't asked? Secondly though, kids I've found just don't really question it. Oh that adult is in a dress. Some might with the innocence only a child can summon bluntly ask, for which usually the answer is "this is who I am. It's not a choice, but one day I realized this is what makes me a happy and complete person". BOOM, and kids get that. Most of my friends with kids, their kids just get it. They don't really ask questions, they take it as a given, and they only make a big to-do about it if YOU the parent make a big to-do about it. Really though this pathetic defense of cowering behind children is stale. This was used on black people during Segregation as a reason to keep blacks away. They are a bad influence on good white kids, and the kids will ask stupid questions like why they have to sit at the back or use the "other" restroom. This was also the excuse to exclude gays through the 70s, 80s, and 90s. The idea was that gay men can't control themselves and rape men with reckless abandon and actively hunt young kids to recruit. Ironic that Milo voiced that very same issue as being "normal", when the gay community would say it is anything but.
Now on to the bathrooms, and I do have a personal story. First though, the macro view. Overall, for trans women and trans men, the public bathroom is one of the scariest places. Even in areas with protections it is the most likely spot for a trans person in public to be assaulted, sexually assaulted, or even murdered. The statistics bear out that trans people experience a lot of violence just trying to pee, and that has a chilling effect on our desire to be out in public. It means a time leash otherwise you might have to take a gamble at getting beaten up, harassed, or worse. For me though, this happened my very first time. It was a milestone for me, as I had been transitioning a bit but had never used a female public toilet. A former friend at a kinksters meeting told me to do it, as it is legal for me to do so. I did so. Wow, let me tell you... it was boring. It's the fucking same except for the personal trash cans in the stalls for female hygiene product trash. And nothing happened. I crowed about this baby step on the online Facebook for kinky people called Fetlife, and that's when the storm hit. One of the leaders had a girlfriend who flipped out at me, even though she wasn't even there. She started incredibly hostilely by asking "Is this how you get off?" and "I'm not comfortable". She even got her boyfriend to come down as a leader to say, "Why change?" I was stunned. I reflected that hostility saying I had a legal right to do so, which according to the Nevada State Constitution, yes I do. Others quickly gave me the tone argument that I had to politely answer this lady's VERY rude and pointed questions without being rude myself. One lady who is a "leader" for female dominants was agreeing with her. It quickly split the whole community down the line with many bigots adding fuel to the fire, claiming they could do the same if all they do is put on a wig, heels, and a dress. Never mind the massive sexist connotations that women have all long hair, all wear heels when out, and all wear dresses, and yes I would dare that bigot to try to go out in public and walk around in 3" heels while in a dress. You would quickly find it isn't an easy or fun thing to do for thrills. I was mostly amazed that people I didn't even really know like one of my now best friends, Jennah, came to my defense. Others did too. The ultimate irony was when even when the state constitution was cited, some KEPT saying it could be a legal issue for the bar... to follow the state constitution. It finally took the actual head of the group to fucking call the bar, check they follow state regulations, and then to state that the group would also follow state regulations. You know what the lady who instigated this said could be done? I could go, IF I announced and outed myself to the whole bar, had an honor guard sweep the bathroom to make sure no females will have to see me, and THEN I can go in there. I don't know how to tell you how dehumanizing that all was. In the end things kind of smoothed over, "Jenny's Law" was put up on the site for the group stating they follow state guidelines (gag), and I've gone back. But I learned. I learned that these people, many of whom were friendly enough to me at first, were waiting for a reason to turn on me. Yeah a lot of them left the group, many were shuffled out as the bigots they were, but it still scarred the fuck out of me. I still have problems going alone in public for fear of some kind of attack. So hearing some privileged asshole like Milo doing his gay version of a minstrelsy show tries to hang that shit on me, it hurts personally.
 Now here's the biggest rub. I don't see what the big deal is. It's a public bathroom. You don't need "absolute" privacy. You have a fucking stall, and I should think anyone gawping at you through the gaps in the stall or over or under the walls would piss you off. But really how often has that happened. Really unless you are trying to have sex, do drugs, or do something illegal, you should be fine with the privacy you have in there. Moreover, yeah, my wang isn't going to fly out and hunt you down in there. Trust me, I'm more scared in there of everyone else, than they are of me. As one last note, NO trans women don't stand when peeing in public. That's an asshole's worry that the seat will be left up or peed on. Last I checked we try NOT to call attention to ourselves.

A Quick Post About Tomorrow... When the Resistance Starts in Earnest.

A point of order for the resistance tomorrow. As people have said with old media (ie TV), the goal should not be to simply leave the TV off. While viewership might be down, overall share of the views will be drastically up. You can see how someone like He Who Shall Not Be Named would manipulate that to say how popular he is. So change the channel, put on TLC, put on that one housing and decorating channel, put on QVC, put on something that won't be showing the inauguration. Bring those numbers down. Meanwhile online, I would say, don't hashtag him. Don't mention him. Leave him as a vague pronoun. Leave him as a vague cipher so facebook or twitter's algorithms won't pick it up and say how "everyone" is talking about him. Don't fucking give him attention. Please, don't. Don't normalize him. Don't defend the fucking prick as he is far beyond the pale. Tomorrow at 12:01 PM EST the resistance starts in earnest. Stay safe, stay INFORMED, and stay TOGETHER.

Hey you Nasty Women and Bad Hombres

I wanted to make my first post just a little introduction as well as an about me.  I'm Jenny, and I'm proud to be a Nasty Woman.  I'll be trying to write every week here to give hot takes on the news of the week, perspectives from the LGBT+ community, and historical perspectives.  I am a proud member of the LGBT+ community and have done grad school for European history, specifically the Holocaust/Nazi Germany.  I find these days that that specific area of expertise might be coming in handy more and more in the coming months under Trump.  I want to briefly state that his parallels with Hitler's style as well as how he rose to power are striking and need to be commented on.  I look forward to writing for you all, and hope to hear criticism and responses.  Be safe out there, folks.  It looks like it's getting hairier and hairier out there.
Jenny

Get an IUD

I am getting really sick of seeing the words “free birth control”. Especially when it comes to birth control paid for by an insurance company. Free? Newsflash, women pay for insurance. Uninsured? Well I bet you pay taxes... the same taxes which go into funding “free” clinics (except abortion). Or maybe you have no income, and thus make no tax contribution... well gee, that seems like a really bad time to have a baby. It seems to me a woman who can't even afford to make a contribution through taxes to health clinics really shouldn't be having a child which will immediately require government welfare programs to survive. A baby which will make this poor woman much less likely to do the sort of things she needs to do to get herself out of poverty. And this sounds a lot more expensive than birth control.

Birth control isn't free. Unwanted children are not “saved”. Whether or not a woman pays a monetary cost for birth control we pay for it. Believe me.

Hormonal male birth control was abandoned because too many men dropped out of the study. Despite the fact that male birth control lacked many of the most severe side effects of female birth control... like death. One would think pussing out on birth control would at least give men a renewed respect for women bearing the brunt of responsibility in preventing pregnancy. Nope.

If you are a woman reading this I likely do not need to tell you how frustrating it can be trying to find the right hormonal birth control. You suffer through all kinds of side effects ranging from painful to humiliating. After recently switching my birth control due to the mustache I'd gotten from my progesterone only pill I found none of my clothes fit. I felt constant nausea, had terrible headaches, random bruising, constant bleeding and cramps, breast tenderness that made walking hurt on some days. My melasma mustache (I call him Federico) did not go away. I couldn't just stop taking this pill without some kind of a backup plan, not without risking a parasitic infection.... I mean pregnancy.

Thankfully I have never had to have an abortion despite being poor through my late teens and early twenties. I was lucky I became a sexually active poor person in the state of California, where state clinics are extremely cheap if not free. As a result I always had access to the pill, or plan B for the few times I had a condom break when not on the pill. I had access to important cancer screenings. I could get UTIs treated without having to starve for weeks to pay for it. When I moved back to New York City and needed birth control I went to Planed Parenthood. At the time I was unemployed. The pills still cost me over $100.

Now Republicans are working to allow insurance companies to start charging for birth control again. I am not an optimistic person, so I had a feeling this was coming. For this reason I rushed to get an IUD in December after finally deciding my fear of the big bad IUD was surpassed by my fear of the Republican's war on women.

Before the election my doctor suggested I get Mirena. I had always been a little afraid of IUDs. There are so many horror stories (most of which are based on the old fashioned IUDs) and they seemed so permanent. You can just switch pills, but you can't switch an IUD without more money and more pain. Then Trump won and Republicans took the majority in the House and Senate. So I started asking friends if they had IUDs and what they thought of them. What I found was everyone loved them. At least from my friend pool everyone was extremely happy. Most people wished they had done it sooner. Only one friend had an initially negative experience with expulsions and hormones, but after adjusting was happy she’d done it. I also found that the IUD, the most mysterious and frightening form of birth control methods had been floating around in the uteruses of A LOT of my friends and coworkers.

One thing everyone agreed on, (except my gynecologist who has some kind of magical reproductive system) was that the insertion process is a beast. I mean a BEAST! Holy crap was I unprepared. If I had to go back and do it all again I would ask my Doctor for some tramadol, which has been found to be the most effective pain medication for the insertion, and prescription ibuprofen for later. I would not, as my gyno advised, do it on my lunch break, and I would have had someone come with me to drive me to and from the office.

My friends had prepared me for a rough week. But I had heard mixed things about the early weeks of the IUD. Some people had terrible cramps for months, others days, my gynecologist was perfectly fine, because she is made of magic. For me it lasted about a week and a half, at which point I demanded some prescription ibuprofen which finally managed the pain. I didn’t have much bleeding. I have been spotting off and on since I got it at the end of December. My period was a little heavier, but nothing crazy. And in many women periods will stop all together with Mirena.

For the first week I thought I must be crazy to have allowed a stranger to shove a huge piece of plastic up my cervix. I felt bruised and raw in places I hadn't appreciated the existence of before. Was I really that afraid of the government? Yes. Yes I was, and yesterday it was confirmed that my fear was based in reality when the Republicans began their repeal of the Affordable Care Act and rejected attempts by democrats to keep coverage of female reproductive health, and preexisting conditions. Remember, being a woman in this country is considered a preexisting condition. So is being pregnant.

IUDs are 99.9% effective at keeping the GOP out of your uterus! 

I am so glad I got an IUD because it means I can focus without fear on fighting for women’s rights in an increasingly sexist country. It means I no longer have to worry about being able to afford my birth control. In some regards I now have the same reproductive freedoms as a man. I don’t have to take responsibility for a child unless I want to.

But I do not have the same freedom as a man. My darling boyfriend didn't have to suffer through the pain of the IUDs insertion. He didn't have to miss work because he was in too much pain to leave his bed. He didn't have to let a stranger ram and inch of plastic up his cervix. I don't resent my boyfriend for this, and I know he felt genuine concern and care for me while I was suffering, but it seems the majority of men in this country do not give a damn about what women go through to insure any offspring they do produce are cared for, wanted and loved. That is the message the Republicans have been sending since December when they began daily attacks on women's health and began passing legislation designed to shame and humiliate women.

Unless you are unable to get an IUD for medical reasons, or are ready to have a baby, please get one and do it now while you still can. Without insurance IUDs can easily cost over a thousand dollars.

Overall for me it was a positive experience. It made me feel much more empowered, and gave me a reason to talk about my body openly with others; something which for some reason we look down on in American culture. I wound up having conversations with friends coworkers and acquaintances about the female reproductive system in a really normal positive way as we shared advice and stories.  
We talk about this on episode 3 of our Nasty Women Report podcast, but for those of you who haven’t heard it, here’s what happens when you get an IUD:

That entire fucking thing gets rammed up your cervix!

First your gynecologist may want you to wait to order an IUD from the pharmaceutical company. Tell them your insurance is changing and you need to rush it if they do this (they might be able to get your insurance company to approve using an IUD from their stock rather than having to order one).

Once the IUD is ready to be placed you will have what starts off as a normal exam. The painful part is the device which opens your cervix. This may hurt less in women who have already had a child. Next your doctor will poke around in your uterus to measure it and figure out where to place the IUD. This part hurts a lot. Apparently being poked in the uterus causes contractions. At this point you will probably be thinking “holy shit what the fuck is wrong with me! Why am I letting someone do this to me! When will this pain ever end!” it ends in what will seem like the longest minute of your life.

Immediately after the insertion I felt fine. Some women feel dizzy or nauseous. As I checked out of the office the cramping started and only got worse as I drove home. I felt really awful for the rest of the day. It was far beyond period cramps. The next day I was able to run errands and live more normally, I even had sex. On the third day I think I was having uterine contractions. I was in so much pain I was writhing around and crying in my boyfriend’s car. He gave me some tea and buried me under a pile of blankets for the rest of the day. It was off and on like that for the first two weeks. But since then I have been alright. I have had an occasionally strange feeling that I have a tampon in, which is unsettling, but slowly going away.

I will go back to the doctor six weeks after my insertion just to make sure everything is in the right place, and then all I have to do is check on my strings for the next five years. By then I assume either America will be a smoldering pile of ruins, or some sanity will be returned to our government and I will be able to use my insurance for whatever reproductive health needs I may have. Perhaps I am being overly optimistic, but for now at least I do not have to worry about any unwanted pregnancies.

So go, my vagina touting friends! Select your IUD and spend the Trump era worrying about everything but unwanted pregnancies!

You too will be this happy in white when you no longer spontaneously bleed from the vagina!